


Let's Hope To Fall Asleep (Before We Fall apart)

by Yelposaurus



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Sleep, That's it, Wow ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 14:44:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yelposaurus/pseuds/Yelposaurus
Summary: I wrote this in the early hours of the morning, when I couldn't find the strength to close my eyes and run.This is what sleep feels like for me.





	Let's Hope To Fall Asleep (Before We Fall apart)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that anyone who reads this goes away feeling something, at least.
> 
> Although, I must say-
> 
> -it really is my pleasure.

I always go to sleep late. Too late, if you ever get the chance to see the time I set my alarm to.  
Apparently, I'm an early bird and a night owl. Good thing owls are birds, right?

But _enough_ of that.

The reason I stay up so late into the night _knowing_ that I'm getting up too early the next morning, is because it's mostly not a choice.  
Most nights it is not my fault that I can't close my eyes for more than five seconds before they snap open again. Not my fault that I can get my brain to _shut up_ for just-

For just one second. That's all I ask for. _Pretty please?_

Sleep, to me, is like a huge yearly holiday. You know when it's going to happen, when you're going to leave, and you spend all that time building up, waiting, thinking of all the things that could go wrong on the way there - wondering if it'll be as good as you think it'll be.  
It's a nail-biting nervous excitement, but the feelings on the way - the fear, the anxiety, the _hope_ \- are _nothing_ compared to the happiness and relief you feel when you finally arrive.  
That - the happiness, the relief, the _calm_ \- is what sleep feels like for me. It's the only time I can listen to the sweet nothing that is the sound of silence. 

_Sleep is the only escape from myself that I am willing to take, and so I welcome it with open arms._

And, if you were wondering, no. I don't dream. Or at least, if I do, I never remember. But it's fine. My life doesn't need anymore nightmares than it already has, thank you. And I don't want anything to occupy my mind whilst I sleep. That silence, that _tranquillity_ is like the fire exit out the side of the burning building that I now call my mind. 

But holidays come to an end.

The disappointment you feel, the craving to go back to that place, if only for a day. And I guess the reason for those feelings is because that place you only spent a few days in, that place where everything was so calm, is because that place is also so _different._  
But those moments just after you wake up are _so much worse_ than those few seconds before you fall asleep.  
I think it's because you're still a little fuzzy around the edges, still a little blurred around that line between fantasy and reality.  
In those moments, just after you open your eyes, you can actually believe that everything is fine.  


But then you feel this _weight_ come crashing down on you, like shackles around your wrists, like a ball and chain at your ankle - and it makes your shoulders sag and your eyes go all watery and your throat closes up because you've just realised _what a horrible world it is that you've woken up to._

But the _reason_ I get up so early far outweighs those few moments.

Has anyone ever told you that sunrises are beautiful?

They should.

_Because it's true._

**Author's Note:**

> > We're all in the same strange boat, grappling with the same strange condition. But it isn't quite so scary if we all do it together. So let's do it together.
> 
> \- Exurb1a, The Fifth Science


End file.
